“I’m a failure.”
“I’m too weak.”
“I’m so dumb, and stupid.”
“I’m a huge disappointment to my family.”
“I’ll never be able to do it.”
“I’m not attractive, and nobody wants me.”
Have you ever heard those noises in your head? Did you hear them recently?
Many people have the experience of feeling overwhelmed when going through hard times. In modern society, a person’s life is like a house of cards, and a single gust – a layoff at work, a bad breakup, an injury, a misunderstanding, or a bit of bad luck – could knock it over. We humans have the tendency to avoid negative experiences and negative emotions. Many people run away from these uncomfortable feelings.
Mark started a new job recently. His workload is heavy and he has been pressured by his supervisor to meet tight deadlines. He worries about his work, and at night he can’t fall asleep easily as he used to. Each morning after he wakes up, his stomach turns. He doesn’t want to work, but he knows he has to. His wife notices that Mark doesn’t have his regular big smile on his face anymore. Sometimes he seems lost in his thoughts and doesn’t respond to her words.
We all have expectations. It gives us hope and gives meaning to our lives. As a baby, we expect to be fed and nurtured by our parents. As a kid, we expect to be liked and accepted by our peers. As a young adult, we expect ourselves to be capable and competent. We can’t live without expectations.
Alice is a 19 year-old college student. She has been skipping classes, and her grade is dropping. She is afraid she may end up dropping out of the school. She is able to attend the big lecture classes, but can’t attend the small group discussions. The few times she went to the small group discussion, she hid at the back of the classroom and didn't speak. She doesn’t interact with her peers for fear of being laughed at. She remembers the pain and humiliation she felt in high school.
Actually I ask a few questions from my 10 question pool to facilitate a self-discovery journey with my client. To find out if you are ready for love try asking yourself the following 10 questions:
1. Are you still in love with your ex?
Meditation helps us relax and stimulate the use of right-brain functions, our base of creativity.
Here is a meditation written by Virginia Satir. It’s a very good reminder of our uniqueness. You might read this meditation and record it, and add some meditative background music. You can then listen to it whenever you choose.